Visions of Hope

Answered Prayers

 

One of my favorite movies is "My Sister's Keeper", its about a 15 yr old girl with leukemia who eventually dies in her sleep. I cried several times while watching this movie. After lying down that night, I prayed, and asked God " Why do children die?". I explained to him that I do trust and love him but that is one thing I just do not understand. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child no matter if in- utero, through miscarriage, or stillborns, or when they were babies, as a child, a teenager or an adult. It doesn't matter it still hurts and feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. It hurts to the core of your soul. And I think everyone that has dealt with the loss of child has either doubted God, or been upset even possibly angry with God.

I continued to pray on and on, explaining to God that as much as I want to obtain all knowledge and know everything. I know that I never will, and many years ago had to come to terms with that. Yet, a child is so innocent, so precious. I have lost 2 children one was born very premature and couldn't survive and the other to SIDs. So then I started to mourn all over again, I cried uncontrollably, asking God to let them know that I love them and think about them everyday. And how much I wish they were here with me. I missed my angel babies. I wish I could see them play with there brother and sister Corey and Alani. I mourned for not seeing there first steps or hear there first words.

I went into the bathroom, and kept crying and asking God to please just open my eyes to understand him more. And asked him to also use me for his glory, that whatever I do I want to do it for me, and was then wondering what path in life to take. There are so many options, yet I am not sure which one God approves of. As I took some tissue to wipe my face, I sat on the toilet and looked up...

And I saw a scripture

  Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

And I laughed, thought "wow, that was a quick answer".

Its funny how I just prayed about understanding, and asking him to lead me in the right path, and this scripture answered my prayer.

And then I started to realize that he has been answering my prayers quickly lately. I will be
confused about something and ask him to open my eyes and he does. Wow, I am so in love!!!

without a shadow of a doubt

When I was about 10 years old I was being physically and verbally abused by my stepfather. He stomped on me, tried to drown me, and would say horrible things to me. One night after one of his attacks, I laid in bed and prayed. I didn't pray out loud it was more of a mental prayer. And I kept asking God over and over again "God, does anyone love me?" until I fell asleep. The next day I went with my godmother to a car dealership in weatherford, tx many miles away from where I lived at the time. While waiting at the dealership, a man walked in and walked up to me and asked to pray with me. I was honestly a little freaked out because it was kinda random that some guy would ask to pray with me. But I agreed to pray with him. After praying with me he looked at me and told me "You prayed last night and asked God if anyone loves you, and god wants you to know he loves you". I was so taken aback.... what did he just say? How could this man who doesn't know me, doesn't even know my name, or what I am going through how could he know what I prayed the night before. I was very young at that time and I tried to rationalize that day in my mind for many years, I thought maybe he just made a good guess, maybe he is crazy, or maybe I am crazy for believing.
BUT I now know that God saw me hurting, he knew at that moment in my life I truly believed no one loved me. And he cried with me that night, it hurt him to see me cry, he wanted me to know it wasn't true that he does loves me. But he knew the only way I would know it was him speaking to me is if he told this man what I had prayed.
After this, I started to seek the truth, I was drawn to God like never before wanting to know more, I was confused as a child how I was going to seek something I couldn't see but I did find him by constantly reading his word. I strayed away from God during my teen years and after many years of heartache and disappointments, I doubted God so many times. But when in doubt I remember that day the man told me what I prayed the night before. And I know God is real, without a shadow of a doubt. And no one can convince me otherwise. To imagine God is the ruler of ALL things, but he still wants a relationship with little ole me. He still loves me.
Be encouraged my brother and sister God loves you and nothing can come between that.

Love Letter

I know most people want cars, big houses, and great jobs but all I want is you and your love. I have done you wrong, and I am sorry. I have ignored you, pushed you away, and refused to give you my heart. I never thought you could truly cherish and love me the way I needed to be loved. I felt unworthy of anyones love. Yet you have always loved me... I love how gentle you are and how you leave "love letters" for me in unexpected places, I love that you are always there to listen, and hold me. You are the only one who truly understands me. I remember many years ago, I couldn't even bring myself to speak to you but patiently you waited and when I finally came back running to you. There you stood with open arms. Because I love you, I see who I really am. I thought I was unworthy of you, after all the mistakes I made, I thought I had to be perfect to make you want to love me, now I realize I can't work hard towards something I already have.... You have loved me unconditonally, and your love is timeless and neverending. My small mind can't even comprehend your love completely. When I started to seek the truth, I basked in your love, I was in awe of you. You are everything I will ever need. And God because of what you have done for me, I give you the ultimate sacrifice.... MY LIFE. I love you, and we will have a neverending love story.